I've been sitting here for the past 5 minutes trying to think of a word to describe the past 3 months, and I honestly cannot come up with one. I even google searched “descriptive words” and none of the 23843 results (or the 10 that I actually looked at) can properly describe what I'm feeling inside. Although no descriptive word seems suitable, there is a name.. Jesus. As I reflect on the past 3 months I see nothing but His hand prints. Lifting me up to the mountains, comforting me in the valleys, carrying me when I couldn't carry myself. Anything is possible with Jesus. Although there will be times in the future when I doubt, when the mountain in front of me seems too steep to climb, and although there have been many times that I have already doubted, it will always be true.
One thing that has totally surprised me is that my struggles from home followed me to Mwanza. That sounds totally dumb I know but hear me out. I had it in my head that when I left, I would be leaving all of the struggles too; the worrying, the insecurities, etc. But, news flash to self, this is not true. “When I'm in Mwanza it will be easier not to worry!” “It will be so much easier not to care what other people think of me when I am in this new environment!” false false FALSE. In fact these things are often amplified. Entering into an entirely new situation with many unknowns leaves room for a lot of worrying, and many opportunities to step out of one's comfort zone, allowing the insecurities to have an absolute party in one's head. Satan will take any opportunity he can to try and bring us down. But our God is gracious. He is loving. He is merciful. When the voices in our head seem to loud to bear, He is there reminding us of who we are and who's we are. When the barriers seem to thick to break, He is there giving us the strength to chisel away, slowly but surely.
Things take time. A LOT OF TIME. I'm not an extremely patient person: I like to know what's happening, when it's happening, how it's happening and who's making it happen. BUT I can't always know these things, and I for sure can't control them. Learning a language takes time. Getting comfortable takes time. Making friends takes time. Relationships take time. And you know what? That's okay. That's how it's supposed to be. If I could control my life and the timing of my life's events, I'm 100% sure it would be a mess, and I would not be where I'm supposed to be. I have been extremely challenged and stretched to give up my control-freak tendencies and “Sit down, shut up, and let God” over these 3 months.
As I move into the final half of my stay here, I am beyond excited. I am already in awe of what God has done in my life and know that whatever lies ahead is going to be incredible. Maybe incredibly amazing, maybe incredibly challenging, but with God anything is possible.
Let's all pray not only for America as a nation, but for the world at large and the effects that the outcome of this election will have. The VOH school students are prepping for their exams which begin next week, prayers for peace and focus for them, and that they finish this school year strong would be amazing.
As I finish reflecting, I am overwhelmed by the love and support all of you incredible friends have poured on me throughout my journey this far. Whether it be an encouraging message, a prayer, or the fact that you take time out of your busy lives to read my blog, thank you. These things truly mean the world to me.
|These girls are incredible! All smiles after the second teen connect|
at Mwanza Pentecostal Church!
|There's never a dull moment with these two!|